I have grown UP !!!

Approximately 25 years of disillusionment is all i can claim them. A realization that has come in good time.

Initially it was all about hogging the limelight, getting whatever I wanted (the best of chocolates available in the market. I still remember those). But life does not treat you good for long. Thus came the era of the schools and all the pandemonium along with it. It was like Hell Broke loose. Back then the world was a newer place and the mind had the space and intention of absorbing all the new things. It was soon that the traits of a demon in the making started coming out. Alas, my teenage prayers weren't answered and it eroded my initial faith in God who was called on for life-death situations a 13 year old faced - annual results, recitations on annual day in school. Fared poorly in Math’s, don't remember in which standard, but still remember the spanking from my dad. Took a bold initiative of reciting a poem on Annual Day in school. Got stuck at the first para itself. Attempt 2 - got stuck at the second last para again. So near yet so far. Final attempt - just recited the first and the last para and fled from the stage. Got appreciations anyway for my never say die attitude and the unconquerable fervor that I had. It was so unlikely of me that now it seems I was doped by someone. I even remember that I had also prayed and fervently hoped that POET whoever wrote that piece, would drown in the lake beside my school. I still remember my inability to walk up or down stairs. I always skipped a step, running up or down the stairs. I don’t recall any particular moment in the past from where to source this anomaly from. Then came the years where every beat of the song sent blood pumping through my system. I felt strange, it was like living my dream, life was like crazed out, it was absolutely mad and crazy, every thing is broken up in trances, and every thing is psychedelic, blue lights...purple lights. Thereafter a phase that was dominated and well spent to be honest just by the admiration of the opposite sex. Still remember those discussion forums on the intricacies of the human body and the strange way it behaved when subjected to some external stimuli. Learnt the difference between voluntary and involuntary actions. But now I have grown up. How do I know that???? I do not drink tea in the morning with my pinky raised anymore. My pants don't become too tight at the crotch, and the invisible pulsating forces throbbing underneath that threatened the seams have now calmed down. I am no more enraged as a wild beast can be enraged. My fingernails are not overgrown, as I bite them off before they see the light of the day (thanks to my 9-9 job!!!). My brain is incapable of accessing higher functions as it has been forced day in and day out to perform a ordinary task ordinarily.